Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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