Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
