My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize