Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
