your parents love me but you hate me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
