Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
