I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize