genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
