**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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