1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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