some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
