I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm like, not good at living.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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