my soul wont recognize me after tonight
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dick very happy bro
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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