we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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