I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize