you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
