dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk is not a location!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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