All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
