I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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