I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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