I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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