You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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