Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
