I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
