Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
