i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize