you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
