I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
