Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
