Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
