i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
