I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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