i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you told grandpa to call you daddy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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