I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
