Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
