some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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