Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
