just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
