a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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