Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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