Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's always time for handjobs
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
