How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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