Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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