Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
