My Higher Power is John Stamos
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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