Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
