So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
