I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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