Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
