I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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