My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
