I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
organizing the empties. That sober.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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