if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
