So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Come share oat with me in your robe
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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