Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
