the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
