Jerry, you need to find god
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I love you. Go after that dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
