I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
