Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
