She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize