Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
