his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
