my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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