i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
