My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
