You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize