genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
