Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
