Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
