yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
