Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
