I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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